All In a Day

Day 93, 11:45pm:

If you listen closely enough to patterns hidden within the rainfall, you can hear even clearer than on a calm night. You hear the disturbances in the water. You can almost pinpoint your focus to wash away all other sounds into the water and just keep your focus clearly on what you’re listening for.
Giving a quick glance up, I’d say it’s just before midnight judging from the position of the moon.
Looking down to my hand I find a brief, almost nostalgic comfort, from the knife in my hand. Years spent in the culinary field gave me an apeciation of a good knife. The weight and balance do all the work for you when used properly.
I seem to be enjoying a brief moment of pure calm and comfort, feeling very comfortble in the eliments around me at the time.
The calm is welcoming, yet almot disapointing and troublesome in itself.
In a last ditch effort to restore some normality in my life I’m almost forcing myself to feel worry, concern, or fear.
Nothing. Just calm, clear headed, and indiferent. Feel as a result there’s almost some humanity lost, but for the moment it’s probably best.
Suddenly I hear the break in the rain pattern that I’ve been expeting. I want to tell myself to calm down, yet I still find myself frighteningly calm and clear headed. It’s for the best though, I don’t have time to look for composure. From the sound of it I have about 10 to15 seconds.
I get myself into position, tighten my grib on the knfe, and prepare myself for what’s about to happen.

In about 10 seconds I’m going to take a man’s life by lunging my knife into his neck

10 minutes earlier:

Catching brief momemts of sleep solely due to being awake for so long now, but the pain still keeps me up. Seemed I was just drifting off when my backpack was ripped from under my head and I was somewhat dragged forward with it. As I start to asses the situation I realise that it’s an “associate” I know, in a really bad drunken rage. We scrap a little bit and I chase him and the dog away.
About 30 seconds later, despite the rain, I hear him coming again. Things are heated. The screaming and random swings keep coming at me. All I want to do is try to rest and heal up a bit. Not fighting a drunken lunatic while I’m alreay wounded and in excruciating pain.
Suddenly he throws his dog up onto the ledge to attack me. Mind you, this ia a very muscular boxer/pitbul mix, however looking into the dog’s eyes, I could sense how sincerely freaked out he was, and that he wanted no part of this as much as I did.
So I threw the dog out the back, got a couple of key shots in, and warned that this has to stop now.

3 Hours earlier:

Finlly it seems that the staff at Uhaul is gone for the night, so I go back into the truck yard and find one with an open container, so I can bed down and get out of the rain that is going to start any minute now.
I can barely climb into the truck with this pain, and have the feeling that sleeping on a metal floor with 3 broken ribs is going to present quite the challenge tonight.

4 Hours earlier:

Looking up, I can tell the man hovering over me means well by trying to help me up, so I feel bad for my tone as my responce was “Don’t fucking touch me!!”
I was still busy proccessing the damage, and making sure that everything was still working, or at least no much less than usual.
All I remember is other bike rider coming out of nowhere, me jamming the breaks, flying over the handlebars and smashin into the curb.
“Thank you, I just need a moment”
“Ok buddy, just trying to help” and then he goes about hi day
“Two hours and I already hate this damn bike” I murmer to myself.

2 Hours ealier:

Well I just spent my last $10 on an awful new bike, but not left with much choice at moment. This is all I’m going to get with the money I have. Have some cash coming in a few days for producing clean urine for a friend, but with my bike gone, and appointments to make I need this shitty bike for transportation.
“Fuck it, better than nothing. I’ll take it”

6 Hours earlier:

I’m being tested here. That can be the only explanation.
Having to help this idiot get himself together, dressed, and get to his court date first thing this morning. Otherwise there will be a warrent for his arest.
Considering that he has just returned from 5 days missing, crawling through the sewers, in an Aderal psychosis.
I don’t have patience for this, but I know he would do this for me.
The fact that he left 5 days ago on my bike, and has returned with no idea whatever happened to it, does not help soothe my agrevation.
First thing first. He aint going to help me get a new bike if he’s in jail.

“Well, how much worse could this day get”?

*note: after original wave of feedback it’s clear that i have to say, fortunately for both of us, the drunk never returned the 3rd time, so i never actually had to kill him.
Thank you all for your lack of ability to just go with a flow of story telling.
Couldn’t explain that in story while maintaining structural and creative integrity.

Simply part of a new series of accounts from my 195 on street after i was kicked out of the shelter.

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Before I get started, just want to say FU

Not to all my wonderful readers, but this is a glorious day that needs to be acknowedged.
After almst a year I finaly have a keyboard!
Sweet little bluetooth portable keybord so I’m able to write via my phone, for real, and not via swype on the phone.
So what does this mean to you, the viewer?
This means that over the next few days you will finally get to read some of he stories from my 195 days out in the street after I was kicked out of the shelter.
That is allot of hate and anger that is about to go down on ecord, so get ready for lots of fun! 🙂


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Holiday spirit: POWERED by OCD

First and foremost I want to thank everyone for everything you have done through the year, for myself as well as others around me. Obviously leaving the shelter system and living outside for 195 days made this a very tough year. At the moment I have a roof for the winter yet it’s still hard to adjust. Small things have become very hard to adjust to. It’s cold out, yet i can’t close the windows. I still sleep on the floor covered head to toe. the 1 thing that I can say is at least i can still find some comfort when helping others. I’m back to basics, like taking cups of soup to some of my new homeless friends in Rhode Island. When i got here i simply isolated myself. These small acts of reaching out have connected me to the world again. I know families that need help. A 12 yr old who’s mother just got housed, who I’m trying top make xmas for. Any help is appreciated, and you’ll be surprised the good you feel inside. I’m taking donations,.or i can put you in direct contact with other individuals, or organizations that need our help. Help me in continuing to use my experience to assist others. This in turn helps my state of mind. And as some asked what i would like, i put together an Amazon list. Any gift is appreciated, wether to me or others. Either way the positivity moves forward, and that’s how we all heal. Thank you all. There’s some reading that i truly don’t know where I’d be. So thank you. I do allot of venting here,.but i really do love you all. So to whoever you give or whatever charity you give to, remember, and I’m quoting Sean Penn… “when in doubt, go human” Happy holidays to all

My Amazon housewarming/xmas Wish List

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I’m fine, but you’re not

As a homeless blogger i read a lot of stuff written by other homeless, or formerly homeless writers and somehow I’m the only one fucked up in the head.
All of the types will be covered in these stories. Ranging from addiction, to mental illness and more. Yet when it comes to the person telling the story, they usually fall into that victim of the economy category.
Truth be told… and this will be an unpopular one…. But in my year and a half on the street, want to know how many homeless I’ve meet that are in this situation due to the economy?
Not even one. Zilch, nadda, not one fucking person. We are fucked up!

Maybe when you’re out there trying to help others it’s a better angle so others are more comfortable helping you get resources to others and yourself, but lets be real.
The reason i relentlessly try to help others, giving my time or last dollar, and teaching out to others to help?
Because i have fantastic management skills, a brilliant mind, and an uncanny ability to read everyone around me. Yet I’m so fucked in the head I’m completely incapable of using these gifts to manage my own life.
I can set you a plan to help get everything in you’re life in order, but simply can’t follow my own guidelines or plans.

So yes, there are those of us out there helping and doing good. Norbert don’t think for one second that we’re any less fucked up than those we help.


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A Thanksgiving cause

So here i am… Still alive, and in from the cold.
Tons that i need to share soon about my last 7 months on the street, but right now I’m simply trying to make a simple holiday wish happen.
I need to raise $60 for taxis to bring my mother from the physical rehab center she’s in, to my place for Thanksgiving dinner, them back to the rehab.
Rather than cash, if someone in Cranston ri can give us a ride, that’d rock.

I know its a stretch, but this would make her day.
Donations can be paypal to bostonhomeless @
Our use link on the side.
If you can drive us, please direct message me for phone number.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone !


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That’s a wrap

I’m sorry, but given current situations, and now adding the loss of all my id and paperwork that i just spent a year getting together….. I’m done. I’m sorry, but to be exactly no better after a year. Actually i take that back, i’m far worse now.
I had an anxiety attack last night, because a friend invited me for the night, and i didn’t go. I sat in a doorway late crying from the realization that i’m beginning to get VERY uncomfortable indoors, to the point i was actually afraid to go inside.

My mind feels like it is going, i’m losing all touch and contact with all my social workers since phones off, for reasons if rather not say i can’t get myself to call my shrink, and i don’t know that i trust my therapist anymore. So i’m unmedicated for well over a month now.
And not being able to see had made me very paranoid at night. I can’t see if my best friend or psycho is approaching till about 3 feet from me. By that time i’m already prepared to put a hole through your neck.

If i were to tough this out, and ended back here again in another year, i could never forgive myself.

So for the most part, this site will no longer be updated. I will most likely be leaving the state, trying to start over as a new person someplace else.

Thank you to all.
This experience over the last year has been more positive than i ever could have imagined.
Its also been more of a nightmare than could ever think.

The people I’ve met have filled me with an astonishing amount of love, and I’ve also never felt more hatred for others as well.
So before this story takes an even worse turn. I’m out

Gary aka John Doe

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Taking a beating

Man, this is getting to me, there’s just no catching up. I’ll be getting a storage unit this week so, i don’t have to carry everything all day and night.
To add to that, my phone service
Is turned off cause can’t pay the bill, so can only get online once in a while.
And just to add to it, my back up glasses, h that I’ve been using since my others broke…….. Just Fucking broke.

No communication to advocates or appointments, and i can’t see two feet in front of me.

I’m seriously reaching my breaking point.
I do for others thanklessly, and can’t do shit for myself.

This is bullshit, and I’m done looking after others


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Box me in, please

We need storage, no two ways about it. Appreciate all help, but right now we $40 to share a unit with someone!

Gary, & mystery woman

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Homeless mother kicked from shelter, no legit reason

I’m not even going to get into the ranting part of this right now, i’m way too angry.
After throwing me out, in what was a very shady and calculated pack of lies, they started harassing her by association.

They have officially kicked her out on a bogus technicality after a year and a half of rebuilding her life.

I still don’t understand it, but in the meantime i’m compiling all of my very real facts, complete with photos, and videos that will start filling up the unemployment line 🙂

Are you that stupid, to think you can write everything we do, in any context you like, and then expect we’re not watching you?
We did…… Later EVERYONE will watch 🙂

Meantime i have to figure how too keep her safe, warm, & sober.

I’m far from Fucking done with you people


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Watch “First Blood: Heading Down” on YouTube

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